


Seven Times Castiel Tried to Tell Dean Winchester He Loved Him, and the One Time He Finally Got it Right

by OceannanotOceania



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Occasions of Angst, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 12:21:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel loses his grace, he begins to realize that he's in love with Dean. However, it takes him quite a few tries to actually be able to tell Dean how he feels about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven Times Castiel Tried to Tell Dean Winchester He Loved Him, and the One Time He Finally Got it Right

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [post](http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/8-ways-to-say-i-love-you/). I'd recommend reading that if you want to understand why I'm having Cas do the things he does, but you don't need to.

Dean walks into the bathroom, going through the various cabinets to see if he could find enough bandages to cover the wounds on his face and arm. He finds a roll of bandages and tape, placing them on the bathroom counter. He then turns his arm to examine the scratch along it. Dean grimaces, knowing that this would take at least a week to heal. He grabs the bandages, unrolling some of them before hearing footsteps.

"Oh, hey Cas," Dean says.

"Dean," Castiel replies, walking further into the bathroom. He grabs Dean's wounded arm, turning Dean's body more towards his. "I did not realize it was this bad." Castiel closes his eyes, willing himself to use his power to heal Dean. Dean looks up at Castiel, raising an eyebrow. After a few seconds, Castiel's eyes open, a scowl appearing on his face. "I can't heal you."

"Cas, it's fine, I've got bandages-"

"IT IS NOT FINE!" Castiel roars. "YOU ARE HURT AND I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!"

Dean stares at Castiel, trying to think of some way to cheer him up. However, before he can do anything, Castiel walks away. After a few moments, Dean hears Cas's bedroom door slam. Dean hears the sound of footsteps coming towards the bathroom, and is greeted by a concerned Sam.

"Um, any idea why Cas just walked out of here?" Sam asks.

"I have no idea."

~

Castiel sits in a bar, a glass of whiskey held in one hand. He sighs, draining the rest of the glass, and then nods at the bartender for another refill. Suddenly, Castiel feels a vibration in his side, and fishes the phone out of his pocket. About a week or so after every angel, save for Metatron, had fallen, Dean wanted to make sure he could stay in touch with Castiel. He decided to get him a new phone, seeing as how the previous one had gone missing. Castiel sighs, noticing Dean's name flash up on the caller ID. He places the phone on the table, taking another sip of the whiskey.

Another bad thing (or would it be good? Maybe both?) about being human is how it takes far less alcohol to get absolutely drunk. Castiel had lost track of how many glasses of whiskey he had consumed, but he somehow was still able to give the bartender enough money to not get the police called on him for refusing to pay.

Castiel stands outside of the bar, deciding to pull out his phone. The clock on his phone reveals that it was around 2:00 in the morning, and Castiel feels some amount of guilt that he had left Dean so abruptly. He dials Dean's number, putting the phone to his ear.

~

Dean awakes to the sound of his phone buzzing at him that he had a voice-mail. Dean raises an eyebrow, wondering how he had slept through the person trying to call him. Besides, who the hell calls someone at 2 in the morning? Unless… Dean checks his voice-mail, eyes widening at the name. Cas. He places his phone to his ear.

"H-hello Dean," Cas slurs. A look of disdain flashes over Dean's face. God, he swears that he could smell the alcohol through the phone. "I-I want to apologize about my...behavior earlier. Despite being without my grace for a while, I-I am still not over all that I cannot do now." Cas pauses. "I-I feel much resentment about not being able to heal you. See-seeing you wounded..." Cas sighs. "And I-I know that this only affects me because I-I care for you, because I-" Cas pauses. "Because I-I lo-" He sighs. "Never mind. I will return home when I am more...clear-headed."

Dean stares at his phone. He shakes his head, placing his phone on his nightstand. Placing his head back on the pillow, Dean accepts that his mind is racing too much to let him sleep.

\---

Dean paces around the lair, occasionally placing his head in his hands. Sam glances up at Dean on occasion before sighing, and looking back at his laptop.

"I'm sorry Dean," Sam says. "I'm sure Cas will come back. It could be worse, I mean, at least he hasn't turned up in a jail somewhere on the opposite side of the country."

"Yeah," Dean sighs. "It could be worse. But, come on Sammy, he's been gone for days now. It's not like he can just zap back here like he could as an angel." He pauses. "I'm just worried."

Sam nods. "Have you tried calling him?"

"You think I haven't?" Dean replies. "Bastard won't pick up his phone."

Sam sighs. "I'm sorry-"

"It's fine," Dean replies. "God, I would go try and find the guy, but I wouldn't even know where to start! Don't even know what bar he went to last night."

"Cas went to a bar?"

Dean stops pacing, and pulls out his phone, placing it on the table next to Sam. "Pull up my voicemail, it's the first one." Dean hears when the voicemail begins to play, reflecting on how he had already lost count on how many times he had replayed it.

"Wow, Cas definitely sounds trashed," Sam mumbles.

Dean nods in response, beginning to pace again. Eventually, the voicemail comes to an end. Sam sighs again. "Well then, Cas definitely didn't leave much room for investigation."

Dean nods his head. "Bastard didn't even specify when he'd be home."

"Well, I'm sure he'll call back or something soon."

"I sure as hell hope so."

~

Sam sits at his laptop, browsing to see if any cases, demon-related or not, had recently shown up. So far, his efforts had been fruitless, but he still continued to browse. Dean sits next to him, occasionally glancing at Sam's laptop, but for the most part remaining with his head cradled in his hands. Sam glances at Dean and sighs, patting Dean on the back. Dean looked up at Sam for a brief moment before putting his head back in between his hands. God. Sam had seldom seen Dean as broken up as he looked right now.

"Well then," Dean mumbles. "Any luck with finding cases?"

"Not really," Sam replies. "A few odd things here and there, but nothing that really stands out."

"Of course." Dean sighs. "I'll keep looking, though."

"You do that Sammy."

The pair sit in silence for a while, occasionally making eye contact. Suddenly, the door to the lair opens. Dean jumps up, hand brushing the demon knife at his side. Cas walks in, and Dean's eyes widen.

~

"Cas," Dean says.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel replies. Dean walks closer to Castiel, one fist clenched. "Where the hell have you been? Sammy and I have been trying to look for you for days."

"As I said, Dean, I had to...clear my mind."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think you were going to be gone for so long." Dean replies. "Besides, you were _trashed;_ I didn't think you actually wanted to leave."

Castiel feels some sort of flush across his face. What is this emotion? Oh, right. Embarrassment. His memories from the day he left Dean were relatively blurry, likely compromised by the amount of whiskey. He remembered leaving a voicemail on Dean's phone, although he couldn't recall what he had said in it.

"I-I apologize-"

"Don't apologize!" Dean exclaims. "You can't just show up all of a sudden-" Dean pauses, rubbing his face with one hand. "You just can't." Dean sighs, walking away from Sam and Castiel, not quite slamming the door on the way into his room. Cas looks over to Sam, who has an eyebrow raised.

"Did I do something wrong?" Castiel asks.

"Well, yes and no," Sam replies. "Next time, you should probably actually try and _talk_ to us on a regular basis rather than just going AWOL. Apologizing would be a step in the right direction, although a fairly small one in Dean's eyes."

Castiel nods. "I think I am going to talk to him."

"Cas-" Sam says as Castiel walks away. He shakes his head, looking back at his laptop.

~

God. Why is he being so childish? Dean sighs, sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. In fact, the whole time Cas had been gone, it was like Dean had descended into some kind of crazed frenzy. Pretty much the whole time was spent pacing, and constantly glancing at Sammy's laptop to see if he had found any sort of useful information. Dean had a reason to be angry with Cas though, right? Bastard hadn't spoken a word in days. Dean sighs. It was scary, though. How in that whole time, the only thought he had was trying to find Cas. Sam had to remind Dean on multiple occasions to eat something, sleep for at least a couple of hours, and at one point had to practically shove food down Dean's throat. The only people who he'd felt anywhere near this amount of concern for were...Lisa, Sammy, and Bobby. Dean reflects on the relationship he has with Cas. Sure, he does care for the guy, but not like that. Although they _had_ shared...looks on occasion, and everyone else seems to think that they were- no. Dean shakes his head. They don't have that sort of relationship... unless... Dean sighs, placing his head further in his hands. Suddenly, he hears the door open, Dean lifting up his head and straightening his back. It was Cas.

"Dean," Cas says. "I know that you likely do not want to talk to me right now, but I still want to try and apologize."

"All it would've taken was one tiny little call," Dean says. "One call to say where you are, and when you'd be back. Instead, you go AWOL for who knows how long, leaving me nothing but a drunken voicemail!"

"I know that I should have done something-"

"Yeah, well, you didn't do anything!" Dean gets up off the bed, walking until he was about a foot from of Cas. "The only thing that's been on my mind for this past week is trying to find you." Cas's eyes widen. "I don't think you can even understand how worried I've been. Especially now that you've lost your angel mojo..." Dean shakes his head. "My mind just kept going to the worst case scenarios, and all I knew was that I didn't want to lose you."

~

Castiel was unsure what caused him to do it, but something triggered him to push Dean against a wall, hesitantly pressing his lips to Dean's. Dean's eyes widen, unsure of how to react, then close as Dean presses his own lips to Castiel's in response. They remain there for a few seconds that seem to take an eternity before Castiel parts his lips from Dean's. Castiel notices the faint flush across Dean's face, gulping when he feels the same flush on his own face.

"I am sorry," Castiel says. "I will be sure to remember to communicate with you on a regular basis, especially if I leave without you."

Dean's eyes briefly float down to Castiel's lips. "Um, yeah. Thanks, I would appreciate that."

Dean looks up at Castiel before pulling him into another kiss, one slightly more aggressive than the first. Dean's tongue slowly slithers into Castiel's mouth, teasing at Castiel's own. Castiel sighs, both in pleasure and to unconsciously mumble an 'I love you'. The phrase doesn't even form coherent words (his mouth too muffled by Dean's lips to even try), and his lips barely even twitch. Castiel feels Dean's lips smirk against his own, his tongue withdrawing from Castiel's mouth.

Castiel is the first to break the kiss, feeling a tinge of regret. He feels the flush still on his face, noticing its presence on Dean's face as well before he turns away from Castiel, idly ruffling his hair.

"Well then," Dean mumbles. "Um, do you mind not telling Sammy about this? I'm not too sure how he would feel about this."

Castiel smiles, the first genuine one in what feels like a long time. "Of course. Your secret is safe with me."

\---

"Sam, I have something I need to ask you," Castiel says.

Sam looks up from his laptop. "Alright, shoot."

"Do you know anything about romance?"

Sam raises an eyebrow. "Um, sure? Maybe? What, you have some girl in your sights?"

"...You might say that."

"Well then, uh, what do you need to know?"

"Everything."

Sam briefly turns away from Cas to gather his thoughts. "Well, um, a good place to start would probably be to ask them out on a date, or to tell them how you feel." Sam says. "That is, if you're not like Dean, and actually want to attempt a relationship with someone."

Castiel nods. "I would prefer to have a long-lasting relationship with them, yes."

"I figured as much," Sam replies. "I will warn you Cas, if you're going to be staying with us, you already know how often we travel. It's going to be hard to keep up much of a relationship with them. That, along with how practically any monster will try and use them against you..."

Castiel nods. "I understand that. And, I imagine it will be easier for me than you might think."

Sam smirks. "I'm sure you'll find a way. So, who's the lucky girl?"

Castiel feels a faint flush on his face. "I-I'd rather not say. It is someone you know fairly well." Castiel gulps, noticing the smirk on Sam's face widen. "So, um, how would one go about demonstrating their feelings?"

"Oh, um," Sam shakes his head. "Well, there are plenty of ways of going about it. You could just outright tell them, or you can buy them something, although that's a bit too rom-com..." Sam continues on.

"What are these 'rom-coms' you speak of?"

"Romantic comedies?" Sam says. "It's, you know, a style of movie. My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blonde, 40 Year-Old Virgin, stuff like that."

"I have never heard of any of these 'romantic comedies'."

"Ah, right," Sam says. "You’ve probably never watched movies or anything like that."

Castiel nods. "Sam, would you mind if I borrowed your laptop?"

"Um, yeah, that's fine," Sam replies, closing the laptop before pushing it towards Castiel. "What do you need it for-?"

"Morning Sammy," Dean calls, walking into the room. Castiel feels a flush crawl across his face upon seeing Dean with sleep-ruffled hair, face more stubbly than usual. Dean yawns, stretching his arms. "Cas. I heard something about rom-coms, what in the hell are you talking about?"

"I-it was nothing-"

"Oh, it wasn't anything? Really?" Dean says, raising an eyebrow.

Sam and Castiel look towards each other, Castiel wishing the flush of embarrassment would get off his face.

"...Sure," Dean replies.

"I see that you're up later than normal," Sam says.

"Yeah, I've been falling asleep a bit later for some reason," Dean replies, quickly glancing at Castiel before looking away. Perhaps Dean's mind is still vividly recalling the moment they shared four or five days ago? "Yet, I'm still getting more sleep than I'm used to getting." Dean shrugs. "It's weird."

"Not sure what to say, Dean." Sam says, nodding towards Castiel.

Castiel grabs the laptop off the table, beginning to walk away from Dean and Sam. Dean raises an eyebrow.

"I, I have something I would like to research...on my own," Castiel mumbles. "I will be in my room if you need me."

Dean's eyebrow remains raised. "Care to elaborate?"

"It is nothing that you should be concerned with," Castiel replies.

Dean slowly nods his head. "Alright then. Care to join us for breakfast?"

"I will grab food later, if I need to."

"Cas, please, just eat someth-"

Castiel groans, walking to the kitchen and pulling out a sandwich. He walks back to Dean, holding up the sandwich.

"I have food. Now, as I have said, I will be in my room if you need me." Castiel walks to his room, leaving Sam and Dean to look at each other with eyebrows raised.

~

"Think I should go check on Cas?" Dean asks, glancing towards Cas's room. "He hasn't come out in a day or so."

"If you want to," Sam replies. "If he was hungry, he would say something. In all honesty, even if he is human now, maybe it's too recent to feel those needs as much as we do."

"Sammy, it's been almost two months since that happened." Dean replies. "He feels hunger, thirst...all those human needs as much as we do. Trust me, I would know."

Sam nods. "...Right. Go check on him, then, if you're worried."

Dean nods, getting up from the table, and walking to Cas's room. He pauses outside Cas's door, hearing a muffled noise, then the faint sound of laughter. It takes Dean a few seconds to notice the smile that had begun to spread across his face at the sound of Cas's laughter, light-hearted and incredibly...human. Dean shakes his head, opening the door. Cas sits, light off in his room, Sam's laptop in front of him, still quietly laughing in response to whatever was playing on the screen. Dean feels the small smile on his face return briefly at the sight of the bag the sandwich was in sitting next to the laptop, parts of crust on top of it.

"Cas?"

Cas looks straight up from the laptop, eyes wide. "Oh, um, Dean." He quickly pauses the video. "I was not expecting to see you so soon."

"It's been over a day, Cas." Dean replies. He comes over to Cas's bed, hesitantly sitting on the edge of it. He glances at the screen, raising an eyebrow at the moment the movie paused at. "...Is this Miss Congeniality?"

"I believe so, yes," Cas replies. "I am surprised that you know that."

"Yeah, um, I had a few girls whose houses I couldn't escape fast enough from the morning after, so I've been subject to, uh, a few of those dumb rom-coms." Dean pauses. "So, just to clarify, for this past day, you've been marathoning a bunch of rom-coms?"

"Basically, yes," Cas replies.

Dean nods his head slowly. "Get any sleep in that time?"

"Perhaps two or three hours."

Dean leans closer to Cas, grabbing one side of the laptop. "Right, you should get some sleep then-"

"Wait," Cas says, grabbing Dean's wrist. Why does Dean feel a faint blush on his face? "I-I want to finish watching this movie. It likely has around half an hour left."

Dean rolls his eyes, relinquishing his grip on the laptop. "Alright, fine. After this, though, bed."

"Of course."

Dean glances down at the bed, hesitantly starting to scoot further onto the bed. Cas looks down, realizing what Dean is doing, and scoots far enough over so that Dean can sit next to him. Cas makes sure Dean has enough room before playing the movie, leaning back on the headboard. Dean glances at Cas, noticing how despite Cas not smiling, there were still the small crinkles around his eyes he sometimes got when he smiled. Dean shakes his head, hesitantly resting his own head against the headboard, a few inches away from Cas's own.

It surprises Dean how many times he ended up joining Cas when he broke into laughter. Besides Dr. Sexy, there really weren't that many "feminine" shows or movies that he watched, mostly because some of the tropes got boring after a while. Once the movie had finished playing, Dean felt slightly disappointed, a small, nagging part of him wanting to keep doing this with Cas. Dean glances over at Cas, who had just started to yawn, covering his mouth.

"It interests me, how after a while, it is easy enough to figure out the plot, and what will happen with each of these movies," Cas says, exhaustion apparent in his voice.

"Yeah, that's kind of how it ends up being with rom-coms,"

"It is amazing how many have been made, even if they ultimately have the same plot."

Dean shrugs. "People like this sort of thing. Gives them hope that they'll find the 'love of their life' someday."

Cas looks over at Dean. "Really?"

Dean locks eyes with Cas. "...Um, yeah." He shakes his head. "Right, give me the laptop."

Cas yawns. "Alright, here."

Cas closes the laptop, pushing it towards Dean. Dean grabs the laptop, pulling on it and raising an eyebrow when it didn't move. He notices that the laptop is still plugged in, and leans across the bed to unplug it.

"Oh, sorry-" Cas starts to say. The both of them pause, glancing at each other when their hands brush. Dean is the first to break eye contact, leaning back against the bed so Cas can unplug the laptop. Cas winds up the charger, placing it on top of the laptop, and handing it to Dean.

"Right. Um, try to get some sleep, please? You know, beyond 'two or three hours'." Dean says, beginning to walk to the door.

"Of course, Dean." Cas yawns.

"Night, Cas."

"It technically is the morning, is it not?"

Dean rolls his eyes, flashing a smile. "Still. Night, Cas."

Cas yawns. "Night, Dean."

The last thing Dean sees is Cas laying down in his bed, and immediately notices how peaceful Cas looks once his eyes are closed.

~

Castiel wakes up about five hours after Dean had left him alone, feeling more well-rested than he had since losing his grace. He shakes his head, sitting up in bed, stretching his arms up towards the sky. Castiel isn't sure when he had picked up the habit, but had always liked to do it because it made him think that perhaps he still had wonderful, white wings... Castiel shakes his head. That didn't matter anymore; he would be able to move on...hopefully. Castiel's mind wanders, thinking of what had happened just before he was forced to go to sleep. Dean had willingly sat through part of a "feminine" movie that wasn't Dr. Sexy. He had laughed (God, Dean's laugh. It was something Castiel had seldom heard, but was always able to bring a small smile to his face) along with Castiel throughout the movie, even if he tried to hide it with his default stony face. Castiel was able to notice how the ends of Dean's mouth had turned up slightly, how he had begun to get the crinkles around his eyes. There had also been moments, like when they had both reached for the laptop's charger, that made him think that perhaps he wasn't the only one who had these confusing feelings. It still eludes Castiel how humans are able to deal with all of these emotions on a regular basis.

Castiel shakes his head. Right. So, assuming Dean did feel some amount of attraction to Castiel, perhaps he should go through with some of those ideas introduced to him within all of those romantic comedies? But, what would he start with? Gifts? A date at a nice restaurant? That likely would be a good place to start. Castiel gets up out of bed, smelling his shirt and immediately turning his head when notices that the stench he's smelling is, in fact, him. Perhaps a shower would be a good first step.

~

"Uhh, Sammy?" Dean asks, walking into the room where Sam is.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Cas?"

"He said he was going out," Sam replies. "Supposedly, he left a note in his room."

Dean nods his head. "You didn't think to check?"

Sam flashes a smirk. "I figured it was for you."

"...Okay then," Dean says. "Guess I'll go check."

Dean walks away from Sam, going straight to Cas's room. He opens the door, immediately noticing the note that sat on Cas's nightstand. He walks over to it, picking up the note that had been folded in half.

_Dean,_

_I imagine you are wondering why I'm not at home right now. I have to...grab a few things in the city. I'll be back in a few hours. I have my phone on me, if you get too worried. Hopefully you don't._

_Castiel_

Dean raises an eyebrow. Well then. Guess that issue was solved. Dean walked back into the living room, holding the note in one hand.

"Guess you were right about the whole 'going out' thing."

"See? Told you." Sam glances up at Dean, noticing a hint of worry. "Dean, I'm sure Cas will be fine."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

~

Castiel walks back into the lair, both hands holding plastic bags that were close to overflowing. Sam raises an eyebrow, following Castiel to the kitchen, where Castiel places the two bags on a counter, immediately sorting through them.

"Um, Cas," Sam asks. "What's all this?"

"N-nothing, really," Castiel replies. "I noticed we were lacking a few things, so I went out to buy them."

Sam nods his head, picking up a small teddy bear. "Guess this is for you?"

Castiel snatches the bear from Sam. "N-er, yes. No. Just, leave this be."

"...Alright then," Sam says, raising an eyebrow when Castiel pulls out a box of chocolates, gingerly placing a slice of pie next to it. "You know, Cas, if you need any more...love advice, I can help you."

Castiel nods his head, placing the actual groceries he had bought in the fridge or pantry. "I will keep that in mind." He pauses, glancing at what he had bought for Dean. "By the way, where is Dean?"

"He went off to his room about an hour or so after you left," Sam replies, avoiding the impulse to flick at the bundle of flowers on the table. "He's probably still there."

"Alright, thank you Sam." Cas says, picking up the various gifts.

~

Dean walks quickly to his door when he hears the first knock. He slowly opens the door, raising an eyebrow at the sight that greets him. Cas is holding a fairly large box of chocolates in one hand, a bundle of roses in his elbow, and a piece of pie in the other hand. A small teddy bear is shoved into one of Cas's trench-coat pockets.

"...Cas," Dean mumbles.

"H-Hello, Dean," Cas glances down at the presents in his arms. "These, um, are for you," He pauses. "C-can I come in?"

"Uh, yeah," Dean widens the door enough for Cas to come through. "Yeah, come in."

"Thank you," Cas mumbles.

Cas walks into Dean's room, going directly to Dean's bed, and placing the various goods on the bed, gingerly placing the teddy bear on top of the box of chocolates.

"So, um, Cas," Dean says, walking towards his bed, sitting on the opposite end of the bed. "Any reason for all of, this?" Dean gestures to what lays on Dean's bed.

"I just wanted to show my, um," Cas pauses. "Gratitude. I appreciate how you didn't leave me when you found out that I was...human, like you. And, I, I want to show how much I care for you." Cas looks up at Dean, seeing how he simply nods his head in response.

"Alright," Dean says. "Thanks, Cas." He looks further over the goods, raising an eyebrow at the roses, but flashing a smile at the pie. "You got me pie."

"Of course," Cas says. "It's your favorite." Cas pauses. "Um, I know this may seem...odd, but I was wondering, would you like to go out tonight? Without Sam, that is. I had passed this Italian place when I grabbed all of, this, and thought it might be nice to spend some time together like we did yesterday."

Dean stares at Cas, eyes slightly widening when he realized that Cas was being completely serious.

"Um, uh," Dean mentally scolds himself for uncharacteristically stumbling through his words. Dean notices the neutral expression on Cas's face that tries to hide his nerves and anticipation. "...Yeah. Um, yeah, that sounds nice."

Dean wants to melt when he sees Cas's relieved smile. "Wonderful." Cas shakes his head. "So, I guess we should head out in two or three hours? I neglected to check how long it would take to get a table there."

"Alright, that works."

"Good. I hope you are fine with driving, seeing as how I have yet to learn how to drive."

"Yeah, that's fine," Dean replies. "Not like I'd trust you with Baby anyways." Dean feels a slight twinge of guilt when he notices Cas's expression fall. "I mean, I can barely trust Sam with my baby, seeing as how he let a freaking dog in the car when I was gone."

A wave of relief washes over Dean when he sees the smirk Cas flashes.

"Right, so, how about we head out in about two hours?"

"Works for me." Cas replies.

Dean grabs the bouquet of roses off the bed. "Well then, let's see if I can get a vase or something for this."

~

After about half an hour, Castiel and Dean were finally able to get a table at the restaurant. They’re somewhat cut off from the rest of the restaurant, in a corner that was near the kitchen. A few minutes after being seated, their waitress, a woman with long, fiery red hair pulled back in a ponytail, and lipstick that seemed to match that shade of red, walks up to their table, flashing a pearly-white smile. Castiel can't help the twinge of jealousy he feels when Dean immediately gives the waitress a once-over when she walks up to the table.

"Hi, I'm Gemma, I'll be your waitress tonight," Gemma says, flashing a smaller smile. "So, what'll you two have to drink?"

"Water, please," Castiel replies.

"You guys have any beer?" Dean asks nonchalantly.

"No sir, we just ran out, my apologies."

"Damn." Dean pauses, idly flipping through the alcohol menu. "I'll have a bottle of Merlot, then."

The waitress smiles. "Alrighty, I'll be out with that in a few minutes then."

Castiel's eyes twitches when he sees Dean checking out the waitress' rear. In order to keep calm (and avoiding doing something ridiculous to Dean or the waitress), Castiel picks up a menu, idly flipping through it. Out of the corner of his eye, Castiel notices Dean following suit.

"Lasagna sounds good," Dean says idly.

"Mm," Castiel nods curtly.

"Anything, uh, sound good to you?"

"All of these dishes sound interesting," Castiel replies. "It is fascinating the amount of variety one can find with methods of preparing something like pasta."

Dean laughs. "Yeah, I guess it is."

Castiel can't help but smile at how Dean looks when laughs. God, would he ever grow tired of it?

"Here you are, then," Gemma says. "Glass of water, and a bottle of Merlot."

Gemma places the glass of water at Castiel's right side, then placing a wine glass in front of both Castiel and Dean.

"Oh, um," Castiel starts.

"Sorry, did I get it wrong?" Gemma asks, hand floating near the wine glass. "I thought that since he ordered a bottle, that you two were going to share."

"I-"

"No, you were right," Dean says. "We're sharing the bottle."

"Okay then." Gemma opens the bottle of wine, pouring a glass for Dean and Castiel. "You guys ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes?"

"I know I'm ready," Dean says. "Cas?"

"Um, yeah, I am ready," Cas mumbles, shaking his head. He glances through the menu, choosing a dish at random. "I'll have the Fettuccine Alfredo."

"And I'll have the lasagna."

"Alright," Gemma says. "That should be out in a few minutes."

"Thanks sweetie," Dean says, flashing a smile. A faint blush comes across Gemma's face before she walks off. Castiel avoids the impulse to yell at Dean.

~

For Cas offering to go out to dinner with Dean, he didn't seem too enthusiastic about it. Whenever Dean attempted to make conversation with Cas, Cas would hardly reply, perhaps saying one or two words before taking a sip of wine (part of the reason why they had gone through about half the bottle in half an hour), or adjusting his tie (God, will he ever learn how to make a tie straight without Dean's help?), or fake-coughing. In all honesty, it was slightly disappointing for Dean. He had hoped for something better than this, with light-hearted conversation, sharing jokes that would bring a smile to Cas's face, holding hands across the table... Dean shakes his head. Well, maybe not that last part. Although... Dean is still unsure of how to treat his relationship with Cas. Sometimes, he felt it was exclusively platonic, maybe close feelings reminiscent of those between him and Sammy. Then, there were moments where he felt that he was in love with the bastard, or at least lusting.

Dean sighs, picking at the last of his lasagna. Perhaps he was over-thinking things. Although, it wasn't like Cas was making it easier. Out of the blue giving him a bunch of gifts? And not just any gifts. Flowers? Chocolate? A bear? His favorite kind of pie? To anyone else, the message Cas was trying to send would seem fairly obvious, but to Dean, he couldn't help but think that maybe he was misinterpreting. Cas was still out of touch with humans, even after being one for a while now. Dean looks over to Cas, who he notices has hardly eaten anything. Dean raises an eyebrow.

"Don't like it?"

"Hm?" Cas replies. "No, no, it's really good, I just..."

"No, no," Dean straightens up a little, leaning slightly over the table. He avoids the impulse to smile at how Cas's eyes widen. "Talk to me."

Cas glances at his wine glass, draining what was left in it. He reaches towards the wine bottle, shakes his head, then retracts his hand. "I just have, something on my mind, something that I can't decide if you want to hear or not."

"Cas, you can tell me anything that's on your mind."

Cas nods his head, gulping once. "Dean, I..." He glances at Dean, who nodded once. "I...I know that I have not been the best of company tonight, but I hope that we can do this again." A faint flush comes across Cas's face before he looks away from Dean.

Dean smiles. "Yeah. I would like to do this again sometime too."

"...Really?"

"Yeah," Dean replies, realizing how much truth there was behind his words. "I really would."

Castiel flashes a smile, and Dean can't help but grin back.

\---

Dean lies in bed, just on the edge of a deep sleep. Then, of course, his door had to open, pouring light over his eyes. Dean scrunches his eyes, groaning to himself, and flipping over.

"Dean," He hears Cas call.

Dean sighs, opening his eyes, and turning to Cas. "Cas, it's," He glances towards an alarm clock. "Three in the morning. What are you doing up?"

"I was having problems getting to sleep," Cas replies, awkwardly coughing. "Because of an... anatomical problem."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "...What?"

"I, I have a boner, alright?" Cas mumbles.

Dean sits up in bed. "Cas, masturbation. We've talked about this already."

Cas turns away, Dean noticing the flush on his face. "I know." He pauses. "It...has not been very satisfying as of late."

Dean nods his head. "...Okay. And, you come to me at three in the morning for what reason, exactly?"

"I thought you could fix it, somehow." Cas pauses. "If I was wrong about that, then my apologies." He turns towards the open door, still flooding light into Dean's room.

"Cas, wait," Dean mumbles, reaching over to turn on a lamp on his nightstand. "Could you close that godforsaken door?"

Cas closes the door, hesitantly walking closer to Dean's bed. Dean pats on his bed, and Cas sits next to Dean on his bed. Dean gets up, pushing Cas against the bed, head just above the pillow. Dean straddles Cas, placing his forehead against Cas's.

"Just, don't be surprised if it isn't satisfying or something, alright?"

Cas gulps, slightly nodding his head, breath already quickening. Dean smirks before pressing his lips to Cas's. One hand is cupped under Cas's chin, the other snaking down to Cas's pants, brushing against Cas's cock. Cas writhes under Dean before he sticks his tongue into Cas's mouth. Dean teases at Cas's tongue, which begins to move in response. Cas nips at Dean's tongue, making Dean moan in pleasure. Dean moves his hand, brushing against Cas's cock again, eliciting an obscene moan from Cas. God, that voice should be illegal. Dean parts lips with Cas, kissing down his neck, lifting up Cas's shirt with one hand. Cas sits up slightly, making Dean move away for long enough that Cas could take off the dirty white t-shirt he had taken to sleeping in. Dean smirks when Cas throws the shirt onto the floor, resuming his kisses along Cas's neck, licking along the Adam's apple. Dean kisses the spot where Cas's neck meets his shoulder, lightly nipping, and smirking when Cas lets out another moan. Dean bites harder, lathing the spot soon after. The idea of seeing Cas with a hickey at that spot sends an unexpected shiver down Dean's back.

Dean begins to trail kisses down Cas's chest, pausing to suck and nip one of Cas's nipples, idly rubbing the other with his hand. Cas begins to writhe under Dean again, letting out more obscene moans. One of Dean's hands rubs along Cas's waist as his head moves down closer to Cas's groin. When Dean comes close to Cas's cock, obviously erect and leaving pre-cum stains on his pants, Dean can't help but smirk, tracing the line of hair to Cas's groin with his tongue. Dean's hands trail down to Cas's pants, swiftly pulling them down, along with the underwear. Cas's hips move up slightly, allowing Dean to completely take off his pants and underwear, throwing them on the floor close to the discarded t-shirt. Dean trails kisses up one of Cas's thighs, eyes widening at the sight that greeted him. Cas's cock was twitching, partially due to hitting the colder air, and partially due to arousal, practically weeping with pre-cum. While Dean may not have ever seen penises in an attractive light, he couldn't help thinking that Cas's was anything but glorious.

Dean moves closer to Cas's cock, licking up and following the trail of a drop of pre-cum. He tongues at Cas's slit before placing the head in his mouth, letting it move around. In response to Cas minutely thrusting his hips, Dean takes in all of Cas's cock, almost activating his gag reflex. Dean's head moves slowly up and down as Cas's hands wander into Dean's hair.

"D-Dean," Cas moans, laying his head back against the pillow.

Dean moves his head less as Cas's hips thrust more and more, allowing Cas to practically fuck his mouth. After a few minutes of obscene moans that grew louder and louder, Cas thrust one final time into Dean's mouth, cumming with a muffled 'Dean!' Once the semen hits Dean's mouth, he swallows, licking away a few drops that had been left on Cas's cock, and rubbing at his mouth, licking up the semen that had leaked out. Dean feels a mixture of concern and anticipation when he realizes that he may end up developing a taste for Cas's semen.

Dean lies against the bed next to Cas, one arm resting behind his head, the other snaking its way around Cas's shoulders. He glances towards Cas, flashing a smile.

"Feel better?"

"Much better," Cas replies, glancing towards Dean's crotch. "Will you need...assistance?"

Dean glances down at his crotch, greeted by the sight of having a full-on erection.

"Um..." Dean pauses, mouth gaping, before shaking his head. "I-I should be fine, Cas."

"Dean," Cas replies, rolling over closer to Dean, lightly grabbing Dean's erection through his pants. Dean's hips move up imperceptibly, legs subtly spreading wider. "I insist."

"Y-yeah, alright," Dean replies, letting out a huge sigh. "Please."

Cas smirks. God, for formerly being an angel, he looks an awful lot like an incubus right now. Suddenly, Cas pulls down Dean's pants and boxers, smirking at the sight of Dean's fully erect penis beginning to leak pre-cum. Cas traces his tongue up the length of Dean's shaft before completely taking Dean's cock in his mouth. His head bobs up and down, occasionally pausing to tease at Dean's slit. Dean's fingers intertwine in Cas's hair, pulling enough that Cas's head bobs up, moaning into Dean's cock. Dean's hips begin to thrust into Cas's mouth, his moans growing louder and louder until he cums with a muffled 'Cas!'

Cas comes off of Dean's cock with an obscene pop, getting up onto the bed next to Dean. Dean catches a line of semen that trails down Cas's mouth, gently pushing his finger into Cas's mouth. Cas's tongue sucks off the semen on Dean's finger, eliciting a faint moan from Dean before taking out his finger, Cas's mouth making a faint pop. Dean drinks in the sight of Cas post-coitus, hair ruffled, pupils blown, faintly panting, realizing that he was probably in a similar state. Cas smiles before laying his head on Dean's shoulder, hands trailing over Dean's chest, idly watching how his hand rises and falls with Dean's chest.

Cas glances up at Dean. "Better?"

"Much better."

~

Castiel lies on the bed, facing the back of Dean's head as he slept. The time is around six or six-thirty, and Castiel had been watching Dean, counting his breaths to make sure Dean was asleep. He places his head where Dean's neck meets his shoulder, sighing to himself.

"Dean," Castiel pauses, confirming that Dean is in fact asleep. "I love you." His breath ghosts past Dean's ear.

Dean fidgets in his sleep, and Castiel backs away from Dean, hand reaching out behind him to make sure he doesn't fall off the bed. Dean shifts over on his side, his face now facing Castiel. Castiel watches Dean, making sure Dean wasn't going to wake up before moving closer, the tip of his nose brushing Dean's. Castiel can't help smiling at how peaceful Dean looks when he sleeps, how his eyes flicker on occasion due to his dream, his eyelashes casting faint shadows on his face. Hesitantly, Castiel shifts on the bed, pressing a kiss to Dean's cheek. Dean flinches again, and Castiel moves to where he lay before, an arm snaking up Dean's waist before he closes his eyes.

\---

Since Castiel had come to Dean's room all those weeks ago, not much had changed between them. Castiel did notice a few things, though. Dean had a tendency to sit next to Castiel, close enough that Castiel would find Dean's hand briefly resting on his thigh, or their hands would brush when reaching for the same thing. Sam occasionally cast Castiel a knowing smirk, seeming like he was encouraging Castiel to make some sort of move on Dean. Of course, Castiel never really knew what to do. Romance was all too new of a concept for him. He couldn't even recall any sort of romantic memories with his wife as Emmanuel, or even within Jimmy Novak’s memories.

"Cas," Dean calls from the kitchen.

Castiel shakes his head, walking towards the kitchen. "Yes, Dean?"

"Mind helping with dinner tonight?" Dean asks.

This was another change that had come about. Dean would, on occasion, try and persuade Castiel to help Dean cook dinner. After the first time Castiel had tried to help Dean in the kitchen, in which he had burned most of the food, Castiel would politely decline. Castiel raises an eyebrow, shaking his head.

"Aw, come on, Cas," Dean replies. "I'll make sure you don't burn anything. It'll be fun this time, trust me."

Castiel sighs. "...Alright, I-I'll help you."

Dean grins, glancing back towards the kitchen. "Awesome. Thanks, Cas." He walks back into the kitchen, Castiel trailing behind him. "Well, we're making burgers tonight. I'll probably have you help me shape patties and chop toppings, and I'll cook. Sound good?"

"That will likely work out," Castiel replies.

"Awesome." Dean says, turning towards the radio to crank up the volume. The sound of rock (Metallica?) fills the air.

Dean corrals Castiel over to a counter where a cutting board, and two bowls, one with ground beef (already seasoned), and the other filled with various vegetables that had yet to be chopped up, sit. Dean shapes the first patty, making sure Castiel understands how to do it. He shapes one or two more before letting Castiel take over. Hesitantly, Castiel grabs a small chunk of ground beef, shaping it into a patty that is likely a bit thicker than the ones Dean made typically.

"Looking good, Cas." Dean says after Castiel has shaped three or four patties. "Let me heat up the pan so we can start putting some of these on."

Castiel nods his head, grabbing another small lump of ground beef to shape. After a few minutes, Dean began placing a few patties in the pan, Castiel about three-quarters of the way done with shaping the patties. A slow, classical introduction comes on the radio, and Castiel notices Dean flash a smile. Dean lifts up a patty, checking how it looks, before turning to Castiel, wrapping a hand around Castiel's waist, and lifting up one of Castiel's arms to Dean's shoulder. Castiel raises an eyebrow, placing his other arm on Dean's shoulder as Dean's other hand snakes around Castiel's waist.

"Dean, wh-what are you doing?" Castiel asks.

Dean smirks, beginning to move his feet. "I just like this song."

Castiel's feet begin to move, becoming more in sync with Dean's steps as time goes on. Dean eventually rests his forehead on Castiel's, glancing at Castiel's eyes before turning away. Castiel hears faint vibrations, glancing at Dean, who is faintly humming along to the song.

_I just wanna be with you_

_Right here with you, just like this_

_I just want to hold you close_

_Feel your heart so close to mine_

_And just stay here in this moment_

_For the rest of time_

The music swells further around Castiel and Dean, the singer's voice getting rough as he expresses more raw emotion. Castiel looks up into Dean's eyes, gulping.

"Dean, I..." Castiel pauses, gulping again. He notices the blank expression on Dean's face, attempting to hide a sense of faint anticipation. "I just want to say that I..."

Dean sniffs the air, tutting to himself. He drops his hands off of Castiel's waist, and turning to the stove. He grabs the spatula, lifting up one of the patties. "Looks like I burned these." Dean sighs, dumping the patties that are actively on the stove. "Good thing I have enough beef for extras, huh?"

"It is good," Castiel mumbles as Dean puts more patties on the stove. "What were you gonna say, Cas?" Dean asks, turning towards Castiel.

"It was nothing," Castiel replies. "I just, appreciate being able to do this with you."

Dean smiles. "Yeah, um, me too." He turns back toward the stove. "If you want, you can shape a few more patties, and start chopping up the lettuce and whatnot."

Castiel shakes his head. "Uh, yeah. I will get to that."

~

Dean, Sammy, and Cas sit at the table, in the midst of eating hamburgers.

"You guys make a good duo in the kitchen, these taste awesome," Sam says, taking another bite of his second hamburger.

"We do make a good duo, don't we Cas?" Dean says, smiling at Cas.

"I guess so, yes," Cas replies. "It likely helped that Dean decided not to let me actually cook anything. That was his job."

Dean lets out a faint chuckle, briefly rubbing Cas's thigh. Dean can't help noticing the faint flush that spreads on Cas's face. "Yeah, that would help, wouldn't it?"

Cas simply nods his head before focusing on eating the rest of his hamburger. Dean glances down at his hamburger, a little over three quarters done, then takes a few more bites to finish it off before glancing over to Sammy.

"Sammy, you done eating?" Dean asks. Sam simply nods his head, taking another bite of his burger. "Cas?"

"I will be, yes," Cas says, taking the last bite of his burger.

"Alright then, I'll go put away the leftovers." Dean mumbles, heading to the kitchen.

"Doesn't seem like you ate much tonight, Dean." Sam calls.

Dean glances back toward the table, beginning to wrap up the patties. "Yeah, wasn't feeling too hungry."

"That's unlike you."

Dean shrugs, putting away the rest of the food. He contemplates cleaning the dirty dishes before shaking his head. Too much effort. He glances over at Sam, seeing Sam looking at him, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, I just don't feel hungry."

"...Alright then."

"Right, well, if you need me, I'll be in my room. I need to," Dean pauses, glancing over at Cas. "Deliberate some things."

Dean walks out of the kitchen, heading towards his bedroom. He flops onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Dean sighs, deliberating over what had happened when he was cooking with Cas. Dean is still unsure of what made him dance with Cas in the kitchen. It wasn't like it was completely out of character for him. Dean would occasionally find himself doing that with Lisa whenever she insisted on helping Dean with dinner. However, he wouldn't try and pull that on Sammy, or any of his one-night stands. Dean sighs. Cas is different, though. Even different from Lisa. Sure, with Lisa, it wasn't initially awkward like with Cas, but it seemed to flow too easily. With Cas, yes, it was awkward, but it was wonderful to be able to share that sort of moment with him, to be able to rest his forehead against Cas's, to be able to hum along to the song playing. Cas seemed to appreciate it, too, based on his reactions.

Dean sighs, laying further into his bed. Would his and Cas's relationship ever make sense?

\---

"Sam," Castiel says.

"Oh, Cas," Sam says, looking over at Castiel. "Didn't see you there." He pauses. "God, you look like you haven't slept much recently."

"You are correct," Castiel replies. "As Dean has done, I have spent much time...deliberating things."

Sam nods his head. "So, uh, what do you need?"

"Does your offer still stand for," Castiel pauses. "Love advice?"

"Yeah, of course," Sam replies.

"Then, I would like to utilize this offer."

"Alright then," Sam replies. "What do you need help with?"

"How does one go about telling the one they like about how they truly feel about them?"

"Um, well, there are plenty of ways to go about it. You could just outright tell them, or write how you feel-"

"Oh, a letter," Castiel says. "That sounds appealing. What would one write within the letter?"

"Besides how you feel?" Sam shrugs. "I guess you could talk about the impact that person has had on your life, or what is appealing about them to you, that sort of thing."

"Thank you, Sam."

"Yeah, no problem." Sam pauses, watching Castiel walk away. "Wait, Cas." Castiel turns around, briefly raising an eyebrow. "I wanted to delay asking this, but now's a good time as any," Sam pauses. "Are you in love with Dean?"

The flush that spread across Castiel's face would be valid evidence to pretty much anyone with eyes. "...Yes. I, believe so, yes."

Sam smirks. "Figured as much. How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"That you loved him?"

Castiel's face goes blank. "...I am not sure, to be honest. It has become more apparent since becoming human, but I believe that I have felt this about Dean since I raised him from perdition, to some extent."

Sam flashes a smile. "Makes sense." He pauses, sighing. "I hope you guys work out, in the end. Dean needs someone in his life, and let's face it, Dean's a hunter, he'll never be able to live a normal life. A girl like Lisa worked for a brief amount of time, but not for long. Someone like you would be good for him, since you know what it's like to be a hunter." Sam pauses. "Besides, I think Dean has feelings for you, to some extent."

"Really?"

"Yeah, as far as I can tell." Sam says.

A smile briefly crosses Castiel's face. "Thank you, Sam. I appreciate what you have told me."

"No problem, Cas." Sam pauses. "Just, promise me this: Don't leave him, alright? If you want to be with Dean, awesome, I don't really care. But, he needs someone that's going to stay with him in the long run. Dean may think he can live off of the occasional one night stand, but in reality, he can't. It's not good for him, at all."

Castiel nods his head. "I can promise that, to the best of my abilities. I believe these last few years have somewhat illustrated that I am able to do that."

"...Yeah, sure." Sam says, nodding his head. "Good luck then, I guess."

"Thank you, Sam."

~

Castiel stares at the blank page on the table, idly fiddling with the black fountain pen in his hands. Knowing what to write about is easy enough. Castiel can think of many reasons why he feels the way he does about Dean, of how Dean has impacted his life for good (and some bad). The hard part comes with actually putting words to the paper, having to articulate his emotions in a way that can be understood by Dean. It comes with trying to figure out exactly how much of his soul should be laid bare, if any of it. Castiel sighs, lightly pressing the pen to the paper. Well, there's one place that's good to start with. Hesitantly, Castiel begins to write, ' _Dean,_ '

~

Castiel walks into the living room, heading straight towards a trash can. Sam looks up from his laptop, raising an eyebrow at Castiel's entrance.

"Finish writing?" Sam asks.

"Yes, I did," Castiel replies, deliberating if he can crumple this letter into a ball. "It's no good."

"Cas, I'm sure it's a lot better than you think it is," Sam replies. "Let me see-"

Castiel snatches the letter away from Sam before he has a chance to read a word on it. "No, this is not for you."

"...Alright," Sam says. "Do you need help writing a better version?"

"I appreciate your offer, but I have decided to give up on using this method." Castiel folds the letter in thirds, gingerly placing it on top of the almost overflowing bin.

"So, you're giving up on the idea completely?" Sam asks.

"I am still going to tell Dean how I feel, however, I will not be utilizing this method." Castiel sighs. "I am not exactly sure when I will tell him either. I will likely just have to wait for a more opportune time."

"Okay, then." Sam nods his head slowly. "Are you going to need any help at all? You know, motivation, tips on delivery-"

"I do not think I will need your help anymore, Sam," Castiel replies. "It is more my fault than yours, but I have found that your methods are not effective in this situation."

"Alright. Just know that, if you need to talk to anyone, anyone at all about this, I will be an open ear for you."

"That is good to note." Castiel replies. "Once again Sam, while your advice may have been relatively ineffective for me, I would like to thank you for your efforts to help me with this."

"Of course, Cas." Sam says. "While Dean may think he cares more for me than I do for him, I still care about him, a lot. And, I want what's best for him."

Castiel nods his head. "I imagine any brother has that mindset at some point in time." He pauses. "Since I have no other reason to talk to you, I am going to leave now."

"Oh, yeah, right," Sam shakes his head. "Like I said, let me know if you need me, alright, Cas?"

"Of course."

~

Dean walks into the living room, nodding at Sam before heading towards the kitchen. He grazes through the fridge, making a face at something that appears to be growing mold in the back of the fridge. Dean walks back to the bin, making a face at Sam.

"Remember what this is?" Dean asks, holding up the moldy object.

Sam looks over at Dean, scowling at the disgusting thing he holds. "Not at all."

"Yeah, me neither." Dean mumbles, opening the bin, then raises an eyebrow at the gingerly folded paper placed on top of the trash. "What's this?"

"That, is probably Cas's le-" Sam begins to mumble at the end of his sentence.

Dean raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Not sure." Sam states, looking back to his laptop.

Dean raises an eyebrow, placing the gross thing in the bin, and walking into the living room.

"Guess you didn't find anything appealing?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, I'm not too hungry, actually," Dean glances towards the piece of paper in his hand. "You eat yet?"

"Nope."

"Get some food in you within an hour or so, 'kay?"

"Yes, Dean." Sam replies, voice dripping sarcasm.

Dean rolls his eyes, heading back to his bedroom. He sits on the edge of his bed, opening the paper that in fact, is two sheets stapled together (They have a stapler?). Dean shakes his head, raising an eyebrow at the first page. Little of the writing on the first page is legible, much of it furiously crossed out with the black pen used to write it, a few small rips in the paper where the person trying to cross out something pressed too hard. The occasional ink stain helps to further obscure certain parts of the letter. There are no distinct breaks, the writing all just one block of text. When Dean begins to read the letter, he realizes that this isn't from Sam, but in fact from Castiel (the writing looks nothing like Sam's in the first place, a bit more neat than how Sam's gets when he begins to write furiously). Dean shakes his head, reading the rest of the letter.

_Dean,_

_Ever since I decided to raise you from perdition, your mere presence has made a large impact on my life...You are the reason I rebelled, despite my want to obey orders. When I began to lose faith in God, you acted as something that I could easily hold on to. Even before then, when I still had faith in my Father, you understood me, even if others criticized me for my blind faith. You understood why I held onto to this faith, why I was so deeply impacted when I realized how much God doesn't care about us...There are many occasions when you have saved my life, just as I have saved you countless times. I just want to thank you for always being there, even when I wasn't necessarily myself. I know that I have not always done the same for you, and I want to apologize for that. I hope you know, that any time you have been betrayed, I was only working for the betterment of Heaven and Earth, although I know now that all of these past attempts I have made to better us have failed miserably. Perhaps, in due time, I can actually do something that will make a difference. I also want you to know something else, in fact, the reason why I have decided to write this letter. I want to say that I am...that I..._

_I just wanted to say, that, despite what you may think, you are important to me._

_Castiel_

Dean continues to stare at the letter a few minutes after reading it, picking out particular phrases that stood out to him before reading over it again. He places the letter on the bed next to him, sighing before placing his head in his hands. Why did Cas write that? Dean picks up the letter and reads over the last section, trying to pick out the words behind the mass of black scribbles, and sighing when he can't read any of it. A small, nagging voice in the back of his mind tells him that Cas loves him, but Dean shakes his head. It can't be that, can it? How could Cas love someone as broken as him? Even Lisa's love Dean couldn't help but view as some twisted form of pity after a while.

_The answer is obvious, isn't it? Cas is just as broken as you. He rebelled for you. He fell because of you. He would likely put his life on the line for you. Of course he loves you._

Dean shakes his head, placing his head back in his hands. Then, what about him? Even if he loved Castiel, it would likely work out just as well as his previous relationships. That is, the life of a hunter would get in the way, and one of them would have to leave the other. Then again, Cas does travel with him. Perhaps this could be the one relationship that could work out for him, at least work for a bit longer than when he was with Lisa. Dean sighs again, wondering why his relationship with Cas had to be so confusing and complex.

Dean walks out of his room, considering placing the letter in the bin, before shaking his head, folding it small enough to fit in his pocket.

"Oh, Dean," Sam says, Dean looking over to him. "I was just about to call. I think I found something useful."

"Great," Dean says, walking over to Sam. "Any idea what we're dealing with?"

"My guess is just a group of Crowley's cronies, but, it's better than nothing, right?" Sam turns his laptop more towards Dean.

Dean begins to scan the newspaper article Sam had pulled up, a smile on his face. "Great. Think I've been getting kind of antsy in these last couple of days without a case. I'll go grab Cas."

Sam glances over at Dean. "You alright, Sammy?"

"Hm?" Sam shakes his head. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

Dean raises an eyebrow before heading to Cas's room.

\---

Dean falls to the floor, face bloodied, and hand covering the wound on his chest. Sam kneels on the floor next to Dean, hurriedly going through his coat pockets to see if he had any sort of bandage on him. Castiel's eyes widen at the sight of Dean. He walks over to Dean, snatching the demon knife from Dean's hand, and walking over to the two demon cronies that still remained standing.

"If he ends up dying," Castiel shakes his head.

"Oh look, the angel with clipped wings is trying to threaten me?" One of the demon cronies says.

"Looks like it," The other replies, turning to Castiel. "What are you gonna do, _smite_ me?"

The two cronies share a laugh.

"In a way, yes." Castiel replies coolly.

Castiel grabs one of the cronies by the neck, slamming him against a wall, and quickly stabbing it in the heart. He blocks a blow from the other crony, pulling the knife out of the recently fallen demon, and immediately stabbing the other. He pulls his knife out of the recently stabbed crony, watching as the corpse falls to the floor.

Castiel shakes his head, running over to Dean's side, opposite from Sam. "Is Dean alright?"

"Probably, yeah," Sam replies, tying the strip he'd ripped off his own shirt around Dean's wound. "I think we'll have to pass him by the hospital, though, just in case. There's an awful lot of blood."

"Where is the nearest hospital?"

"I dunno, a mile or so from here?"

"Then we should be on our way."

"Wouldn't Dean want us to go after Crowley-"

"That doesn't matter right now," Castiel replies. "Dean's well-being should be our number one priority."

Sam looks over at Castiel. "Right, yeah. I'll drive, just help me get Dean into the car."

Castiel nods, lifting up one side of Dean's body, and walking towards the Impala. Sam walks towards the passenger seat, and Castiel shakes his head.

"Could we put him in the back with me?" Castiel asks. "You need to focus on driving. It will be better if he is closer to me so that I can focus on making sure he remains alright."

"Uh, yeah," Sam replies, moving closer to the back door. Castiel rotates himself, briefly holding his side of Dean with one hand before opening the door, helping Sam gingerly place Dean in the back seat.

Castiel goes to the other side of the car, sitting next to Dean. Castiel glances up, watching Sam get into the driver's seat and start up the car. Hesitantly, Castiel sets Dean's head on his lap, wiping away a few errant pieces of Dean's hair. Castiel feels a sense of relief when he can faintly hear the sound of Dean breathing as Sam begins to drive away from where they had found the demons. They shouldn't have gone there, this was likely a trap set up by Abbadon, or Crowley, some demon like that. They thought they would get something useful out of it, but instead, Dean's wounded, and they don't know anything else about Crowley's plans. Castiel sighs. Dean would probably be happy though, even with the disappointment of knowing nothing new. At least they saved a few lives. While Castiel is pleased that no one else would be wounded by the flunkies, it pales in comparison to the overwhelming concern he felt for Dean, even if there was a likelihood that he would come out okay.

Castiel sighs, looking down at Dean's wound, pressing harder on the cloth over it to make sure it didn't bleed through. He watches the rise and fall of Dean's chest, how his eyes flickered despite being covered, holding onto these signs that Dean is alive, and hoping that he will be okay.

~

Dean is placed in a room within an hour of arriving at the hospital. Castiel sits in a chair on the opposite side of the heart rate monitor, watching as the lines rise and fall. Sam is sat near the machine, glancing up when the door opens. In walks a nurse, black hair around her chin, part of it pinned back with brown-black bobby pins. She glances down at the chart on the front of the hospital, looking over to the heart machine, and jotting down a few more notes.

"How is he?" Sam asks.

"He'll be fine," The nurse replies. "The wound is relatively superficial, but it's deep enough that we want to keep watch over him for another day or so."

"That's good."

"How come he's still unconscious?" Castiel asks.

"Well, more sleep will do him some good." The nurse replies.

Castiel nods his head.

"How'd you say he got this injury, again?" The nurse asks after a few seconds.

"He, uh, fell." Sam replies.

"On what, exactly?"

"We didn't really see," Sam replies. "The both of us were kind of far from him. All we heard was Dean falling to the floor, and all I could think about was trying to cover up the wound."

"...Alright, then." The nurse replies. "I need to continue my rounds, but there's a call button in the event that you need me or a doctor."

"Thank you," Sam says, flashing a smile. The nurse's face flushes somewhat before shaking her head and walking out of the room.

Castiel sighs, feeling a mixture of both relief and regret, slumping further in his chair. He lightly places his hand on top of Dean's, looking over to Sam, whose face is relatively neutral.

"I feel I must apologize," Castiel says.

"For what?"

"I should have paid more attention," Castiel replies. "I should have known that Dean was going to make some rash move-"

"Cas," Sam interrupts, phasing Castiel out of his rant. "It's fine. I don't think any of us could have predicted that what happened would happen."

"Still, couldn't I have done something-"

"No, you couldn't." Sam replies bluntly. "Don't blame yourself, Cas, it'll only make you feel worse. Besides, the nurse said that he would be fine in a day or so, so just, relax. Dean'll be better in no time at all."

Castiel sighs, nodding his head. "You are probably correct."

"I know I am," Sam replies, getting up. "Right, I'm gonna see if there's any food in this joint, you want anything?"

"I'm not particularly hungry, but I guess you could grab me some water and a piece of fruit or something."

"Sounds good." Sam walks to the door, pausing before turning back to Castiel. "Remember, Cas, don't worry. I know that this sucks, but it's not your fault."

Castiel nods his head, Sam flashing him a smile before walking out of the hospital room.

~

"Cas?"

Castiel shakes his head, waking from his open-eyed, sleep-like state, and looking over to Dean, hand tightening slightly with Dean's.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Oh, good, you were awake." Dean replies, voice slightly groggy. He probably only woke up a few minutes ago. "So, how long am I gonna be here?"

"Not too much longer. The nurse said that they only needed to monitor you for a day or so."

"Good. The sooner I can get out of here, the better." Dean replies, a small smile on his face.

"So, um, how do you feel?"

"Besides my chest sort of stinging?" Dean replies. "Fine."

"That is good."

Dean nods his head. "So, are you alright?"

"Hm? Y-yes, I am fine."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "You're hiding something. I can tell. Spit it out."

"I just, I wish you would..." Castiel sighs.

"Wish I would..?"

"I wish you wouldn't act so rashly all the time," Castiel replies, standing up, hand untangling itself from Dean's. He begins to pace along one side of Dean's bed. "I don't think you fully understand how it makes me feel to see you like this. To see you in a hospital bed, unable to do much beyond watch you and hope that you get better. Yes, it's a superficial wound, yes, you should be fine in a day or so, but it still hurts me. I'm not an angel anymore, Dean, Metatron took my grace from me." His pacing along the side of Dean's bed begins to speed up. "I can't just place my fingers on your forehead and get you back to normal. Instead, I have to sit, feeling as vulnerable as can be, hoping that you'll end up alright." Castiel sighs, still pacing furiously.

"Why do you care?" Dean asks. "I'm nothing special."

"Nothing special? What lies." Castiel turns to Dean, coming close to Dean's face. "Do you want to know how much _you_ have impacted my life?" Dean imperceptibly nods his head. "Ever since I raised you from perdition, the thought of having to be without you has scared me. Yes, it started as a small, nagging sensation in the back of my mind, but since I became a human, this feeling has been amplified tens, no, _hundreds_ of times more. You are such a part of my life now, Dean, that I can't even see a life without you. It doesn't just scare me, it is _terrifying_ for me." Castiel pauses. "If I had to live without you, I don't think I'd be able to."

Castiel looks over at Dean, whose face is relatively blank. Suddenly, Dean leans closer to Castiel, pulling him closer to the bed, crashing his lips against Castiel's. Castiel's eyes widen briefly before moving further onto the bed. One of Dean's hands entwined with Castiel's hair, as he snakes his tongue into Castiel's mouth. The heart machine's beeps grow faster, and Castiel notices Sam twitch in his sleep. Castiel hesitantly parts lips with Dean's, lightly panting. Dean raises an eyebrow, and Castiel nods towards Sam. Dean nods his head, letting Castiel get off the bed. Sam yawns, stretching his arms upwards.

"Sammy, glad to see you're up."

"Dean?" Sam says, looking towards the bed.

"Yep."

"Thought I heard something, I guess it was you."

Castiel notices Dean smirk at the way Castiel begins to blush.

"It probably was," Dean replies. "Hey, Sammy, think you could grab me some food? I'm starving."

Sam smirks. "Yeah, I'll go grab some food. You need anything, Cas?"

"Whatever you end up getting Dean will be fine for me, thank you."

"Alright, see you two in a sec." Sam replies. "I think I'll go see if you can get discharged today."

"Whatever works for you, Sammy."

Sam nods his head before walking out of the room. Dean looks over to Castiel, flashing a smile.

"Sorry that we were interrupted."

"I-It is fine," Castiel replies.

"Shall we continue?"

"...You do remember that you're in a hospital, right?" Castiel asks.

"...Point taken." Dean sighs. "Guess I'll just have to give you this."

Dean leans over the bed, pressing his lips to Castiel's again. Castiel sighs into Dean's mouth, placing his hand on Dean's neck, pulling him closer. Dean's tongue snakes into Castiel's mouth, lightly playing with Castiel's own. Dean's lips part with Castiel's, leaving a trail of kisses down Castiel's neck, until-

"I am never going to be able to get that image out of my head." Sam sighs, eyes slightly wide.

Dean immediately gets back on the bed, looking over at Sam. "Sammy. Didn't see you there."

A blush of embarrassment spreads across Castiel's face as he turns away from Sam, glancing at Dean.

"Maybe you should pay attention if you don't wanna get caught, huh?" Sam replies, walking into the room. He places a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Dean and Castiel before going to sit where he was before, his plate piled fairly high with food. "Oh yeah, the nurse said she's gonna give you a once-over, then we'll be able to leave."

"Sweet." Dean replies, shoveling a piece of the slightly-rubbery eggs into his mouth.

~

After being given a fairly standard lecture about changing the bandages and cleaning the wound on a regular basis, Dean is able to be checked out of the hospital. As the trio walks out of the hospital, Dean glances over at Cas, who walks a few feet near him, and moves a bit closer to Cas. Dean glances down at Cas's hand. Cas raises an eyebrow in response. Hesitantly, he intertwines his hand with Cas's, feeling a smile spread across his face.

\---

After about a week, Dean's chest wound had healed up enough that Sam and Castiel (Castiel mostly) allowed Dean to begin hunting again. Not that Sam and Castiel were hunting while Dean was forced to stay in the lair. The both of them had stayed with Dean, Sam mostly working on getting leads relating to Crowley, Abbadon, Metatron, or any other odd cases that seemed like they would be in their area, while Castiel mostly stayed with Dean, attempting to learn how to cook so he could make life easier for Dean (Dean would eat whatever Castiel cooked, regardless of the fact that most of the time, the food was either slightly burnt or slightly undercooked).

"Dean," Sam calls from the living room.

"Yeah?" Dean replies, walking into the living room, still fumbling with a towel.

"How's the wound looking?"

"A lot better," Dean replies. "It's completely scabbed over."

"Sweet," Sam flashes a smile. "I think I found a case up in Washington. People keep dying in the middle of a snowy forest, no visible cause of death, although it appears to be by some form of suffocation."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "So, what, it's some sort of Yeti?"

"Might be," Sam replies. "Didn't think those existed, though."

"Yeah, me neither," Dean replies. "I'll go get Cas."

"You do that." Dean walks away away from Sam, knocking on Cas's bedroom door. "Come in."

Dean opens the door, walking into Cas's bedroom. He closes the door behind him, leaning against it.

"We’ve got a case." Dean says. "I imagine you're gonna want to come along?"

"Yes, of course." Cas replies. "Is your wound healed enough?"

"Yeah, I should be fine."

"That is good." Cas pauses, getting up off the bed, and walking closer to Dean. "I am not sure if there will be a more opportune time for me to say this, so I might as well state this now." He gulps, looking straight into Dean's eyes. "I am not sure how long I have had these feelings, but, I know that this is true: Dean, I...I love you."

Dean's eyes widen briefly, a smile coming across his face. He holds out his arms, letting Cas come close to him. He lightly holds Cas's chin, lightly pressing his lips to Cas's. He rests his forehead on Cas's, noticing how wide Cas's eyes were, and how his body seemed to shake with some form of anticipation.

"I love you too, Cas."


End file.
